Tag Archives: crime

5 Amazing tips to slay your career!

You are an international, millionaire, bankable and well established star…?

Because a wizard has also the pressure on him to be glamorous!

• However, all this media pressure is now, to heavy for you?
• Do the paparazzi annoy you taking pictures of you scratching your nose or drunk as hell, vomiting, yelling at dustbins and fighting with trash?
• Do your unmanageable fans have turned increasingly and scarily hysterical. Embarrassing you while rolling themselves on the ground, overshrilly howling, at each single one of your apparition? (skip the useless presentator talk )
• Did you realize, that finally, Anonymity is an interesting concept?

I have the solution for all of your problems: thanks to concrete examples, I will learn how to you to slay really bad your splendid career! (Thank you who?)

1/ Break the Myth
Arnold Schwarzenegger

No, Arnold, you do not look more credible in politics, wearing this ugly sweater.

Were you the Mr. Muscle’s reference, the Invicible Man, the Fantastic Barbarian? Break your own myth by wearing on for example a very ugly wool sweater/jacket knitted by a sociopath color-blind !

If you manage to cheat on your classy wife heir of the Kennedy (who permit you to enter in politics) with the cleaning lady and have son with, it is even better!

Two Careers screwed up at the same time, Epic Win!

2/ Disgust your fans
Lindsay Lohan and all of her problems…

Lindsay: dishonest person besides having completely shitty tastes. The unbounded class!

I don’t really know where to start with Lindsay Lohan.

The fact that she slaughter splendidly a successful actress career with a behavior of rot-spoiled starlette, her frequent convocation at court for another trials and tribulation, jail stays, illicit addictions, unwillingness to control and behave, all the botox injected into her face, her fake boobs, the Playboy shot (she said have been paid 1 million $, but I doubt it) which photographs are so missed that even Photoshop will not be able to do anything, the fact again, that even its fans beg her to stop, AND the epic fail on the matter that she look like a 60 years old lady when she is 25 (yes, even with the botox)…

To make simple: Steal a very ugly coat (but at nevertheless 11,000 $) showy-bling-bling (the fur is perfect in this case; above of it, you will raise the anger of the animal’s defenders) of an anonymous girl, and care to wear it a day when you will be photographed everywhere!

If you have a family as nut as you, it is even better!

3/ Be as hollow as an empty salad bowl, as stupid as an anencephalic turkey
Kim Kardashian


Kim Kardashian – famous for her sextapes an umpteenth Cheap Real TV, has a kind of “talent” for creating gossip about her without anything interesting to say.

If you manage to make a ridiculous showy wedding out of price (estimated at 10 millions $) followed of a ridiculous showy whining divorce, exasperating the whole world copiously on the way, it is even better.
Swindling press people (the marriage would have been sold at 18 million $) and give anyone desire of murder are the best means for a dangerous ending.

4/ Be a boundless ocean of vulgarity

Jersey Shore

Snookie is building an army…Watch out !

What in the whole universe can be cheapper than that Jersey Shore’s participants?
Is there anything more to say?

5/ Do not have any talent

Candidates of Real TV and the counterexample of Mounia:

Mounia is to TV French reality what the cro-magnon man is to elegance, good manners and fundamental rules of savoir vivre and courtesy.

Mounia, in her everyday life.

What could be better in the final analysis, to rot a career, which not to begin it?

And, when your career doesn’t move on: be a total über-hypocrite!

Not sure if she is trying to look hot, or scratching her teeth...

Accuse the record house of the treacherous sabotage of your incredible musical career – even if you are even not able to sing different from a dying pig and if you were never toke five minutes to learn the three words lyrics of your cheap noisy song!

Shout your story (and sell it) to any gossip magazine, lowing with rage your theory of the plot caused by the jealous ones, and whimpering your incommensurable suffering caused by this atrocious injustice!

★•. •¯ `•. •★ ★•. •¯ `•. •★ ★•. •¯ `•. •★ ★•. •¯ `•. •★ ★•. •¯ `•. •★ ★•. •¯ `•. •★

Here, thanks to my councils AMAZING, your career is ruined and irremediably screwed up!
I accept gifts – checks and all donation of money (more information on the contact page).